Nate At The Movies

THIS REVIEW CONTAINS SPOILERS.

I’m now in Day 3 of Snowmageddon 2026, and the cabin fever is starting to set in. I’m running out of things to do, but luckily, there are a ton of Oscar-nominated films and short films that I need to get to. If I Had Legs I’d Kick You is one that I’ve had on my radar and watchlist since its premiere at Sundance last January, and it was just as advertised: stressful, scary, and an amazing Rose Byrne.

I discovered about halfway through this movie that Mary Bronstein was married to Ronald Bronstein, who co-wrote both Uncut Gems and Marty Supreme with Josh Safdie, so I wasn’t surprised that If I Had Legs I’d Kick You was just as tense and anxiety-inducing as those movies. This couple sure knows how to stress people out, but where I’d say If I Had Legs I’d Kick You separated itself from its peers was in just how incapable Byrne’s Linda was. In her efforts to keep everything together, she couldn’t keep anything from falling apart, rarely experiencing success while also alienating herself from any sort of help. The film had a No Other Choice quality to it in that way; get some help, girl!

While there were a few solid supporting performances that I really enjoyed, from Delaney Quinn to A$AP Rocky—who had some legit acting chops—Rose Byrne brought the thunder. She articulated Linda’s spiral into madness so effortlessly and scarily, and there were some moments of hers that had me either visibly upset or disgusted. I’m not sure what was a bigger surprise in this film: that she was a therapist while not being able to support herself at all, or that she was so deluded about saving her daughter that she actively endangered her nonstop (I’m not even talking about the tube; how many times did she leave her daughter alone?). Linda was terrible, but Byrne was great.

I have more thoughts, but they’re kind of disconnected from everything else I’ve talked about, so I’ll mention them here. First, that hamster was iconic. I loved how clearly fake it was, its little run was hilarious, and “I HATE MY HAMSTER” will be ringing in my ears for days. On the topic of the daughter, I’m not quite sure the purpose this served (because I’m not a professional), but I thought it was interesting how she wasn’t shown in full until the end of the movie. Something about Linda being so blind to her daughter’s actual needs, but whatever it was, it was noticed and appreciated by me for its restraint.

There are a couple aspects of similar movies like Uncut Gems and Marty Supreme that have me leaning towards those—Chalamet and Sandler, more unhinged activity, and a comedic element sorely missing from this film—but If I Had Legs I’d Kick You still fought in their weight class thanks to some very eerie and unsettling direction from Mary Bronstein and a clear Oscar-worthy performance from Rose Byrne. I’m not sure if revisit this one as soon as its contemporaries, but it’ll certainly stay with me a while (if I watch another movie today, though, that may make it harder for this movie to resonate as strongly; we’ll see).